


You're Loved and You're Cursed

by LonelySparrow



Series: you wanted love but I wanted you [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, a continuation of the other fix about zany's departure from the band, but only briefly, perrie is mentioned - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 21:35:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4538223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelySparrow/pseuds/LonelySparrow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After weeks and weeks of no word from Zayn, Niall gets a text from him at half-two in the morning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Loved and You're Cursed

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation of the last. I wasn't sure about this. Spent quite a few weeks trying to sort this out. I'm still not one hundred percent happy with it, but I wanted to get it out there for those that asked for a sequel. This might become a little universe or something, where I continue to update with their life but I'm not sure. Thanks for reading! Again, please don't show to anyone associated with the band/the band as this is just for your entertainment and mine. 
> 
> Title from Eza's "High & Low" you should give it a listen.

It’s a text message at half two that wakes him from a restless, dreamless sleep. His chest has been aching all night, mouth dry from keeping it open so he can somehow get air into his lungs. His nose had been so stuffed earlier in the evening that he could barely speak, let alone sing. After a long weekend away in Barcelona and a freezing, windy show in Horsens, he was hoping for a blissful and uninterrupted sleep.  
  
He’s been coughing for hours now, even after he took the syrup that Harry had in his suitcase from the last time he had a cold. He was just on the edge of sleep when the text came through and he doesn’t even care to look at it, honestly. He’s worried it might be his mum though—always worrying she is—so he sighs and feels around in the dark until his fingers curl around the cool case of his phone.  
  
When he sees the ID, he sits up and flicks on the light.  
  
It’s a text from Zayn.  
  
He hasn’t spoken to him since the night of the Asian Awards. After their argument and Zayn’s confession, he was far too embarrassed and confused to speak to him. Niall is still struggling to get a hold on his feelings.  
  
Their relationship, if you could even call it such, was always complicated. Niall cared for Zayn more than he should, especially with the knowledge that he claimed to be in love with someone else. Niall always liked Perrie. She was sweet and funny and was always up for a pint and Niall knows that Zayn did love her in some capacity. But Zayn would fight with her more often than not and they’d take frequent ‘breaks’. On those breaks, Zayn would cuddle up to Niall more and slip between his sheets to curl around his body.  
  
Niall wouldn’t kiss him. As much as he wanted too, he wouldn’t and couldn’t do that to Perrie. Niall’s aversion however, did not stop Zayn from trying. Niall would always push him away, remind him of Perrie and Zayn would sigh, crawl out of Niall’s bed and leave.  
  
Thinking of Zayn makes his chest hurt and he’s not even sure he wants to read the text at all, but his traitorous heart aches with the desire for anything from Zayn, even a simple text so he caves and types in his password and to open up his message app.  
  
“Saw you’re sick. Taking care of yourself?” It reads.  
  
Niall snorts, types out a ‘yeah’ and hits the send key. He locks his phone and rolls over, thinking that Zayn’s got an answer and will probably leave him be now.  
He’s proven wrong when his phone vibrates with another text and illuminates the dark room.  
  
“Are they doing a good job?” Zayn asks him.  
  
Niall rolls his eyes, “Better than you are.”  
  
He pauses just a second before hitting send, wondering if he’s being too harsh. It’s a low blow. After everything that’s happened, should Zayn expect anything less? He left his band in the middle of a world tour. Left his own fans in shock and left Niall, his best friend, feeling confused and abandoned.  
  
Minutes pass and Zayn doesn’t reply. Niall’s a bit upset for a moment. It’s taken weeks for Zayn to say anything to him, and at the rate Niall was going he wouldn’t have made the first move until they were going for a reunion tour. Zayn’ll probably never speak to him again.

  


Niall begins another coughing fit then. Sits up in bed and fluffs his pillows in the hopes that sitting up will keep him from choking and gasping so much. He settles against the pillows and rolls onto his side. He wishes he weren’t alone then. Nothing’s worse than being all alone in an unfamiliar place when you’re sick and you feel like shit. Just as Niall’s falling back asleep, Zayn’s name lights up the screen. It’s a phone call this time. Niall tells himself not to answer it, that he really shouldn’t but as if his fingers had a mind of their own he’s slid the lock across the screen.  
  
“Okay, I deserved that,” Zayn’s voice is smooth. Just how Niall remembers. It’s soft and low, as if he’s in a room where he can’t make much noise. Niall spares a though to the other blonde in Z’s life. He hopes that he’s not talking to him while lying next to her. The thought makes his stomach turn.  
  
“Yeah, you did. Why are you calling me, Zayn?” Niall’s sitting up in bed again, the light on. He’s got polka dotted socks on his feet and he’s thrown the comforter off of him because he’s starting to feel a bit sticky with sweat. Thinks for a moment that he’s probably got a fever.  
  
“Because I love you,” He says it simply. As if he was stating a fact. Something that’s common knowledge, that everybody would know. But nobody knows. Nobody will ever know the hold that Zayn Malik has over Niall Horan’s heart.  
  
“Zayn,” He means to be stern, but his voice fails him and cracks instead.  
  
“I do Niall. I really do. I know you’re mad. I’m, I’m mad at me too, okay babes? But I love you. And I miss you. I miss you so much that I can’t sleep at night sometimes. I miss you so much that I’ve been…I’ve been in the studio. Writing. I’m actually writing Niall. All those times you tried to get me to join in and help write and I was never confident enough to do so…I’m writing now Niall. It’s all about you…about how much I miss you.”  
  
“Don’t, Zayn. Just don’t. Don’t say these things to me. Don’t do this when you’ve got a fiancé that’s been looking at dresses and planning her dream wedding. Don’t do this to her. If you claim to love her as much as you say, you wouldn’t do this to her.”  
  
“We aren’t—Niall, Pez and I. We broke it off. We aren’t fiancés anymore.”  
  
“You sure about that?” Niall grumbles.  
  
“Yes. The press release is coming. I can’t do it anymore. I’m going my own way now yeah? I’m discovering myself and the more I look forward and see myself making music again, I don’t see her beside me. And I do feel bad. I feel like the worst fucking man on Earth. And I don’t understand it sometimes. She’s a beautiful girl, and she’s funny and talented and she should be everything that I want. Everything that I need but it’s just…it’s not enough. I can’t do it anymore. I want to be myself, Niall. More than anything. I want to be myself, have control and I can’t do it with her. I can’t get you out of my head. I love you, Niall Horan. I’m fucking terrified but I love you.”  
  
Niall sucks in a breath, nearly hangs the phone up because his hand is shaking too much. He doesn’t know what to believe and he doesn’t know what to say. It’s the man he’s in love with. Someone that he could settle down with and someone he could write cheesy songs about. When Niall joined the band all those years ago, he never thought this would happen. He never thought he’d fall so deep in love with someone taken by another.  
  
“I don’t, I think you’re having a crisis, Z. I think you need to talk to somebody about this. You need to talk to Perrie. I know you’re going through a lot right now and I think you need to speak to somebody because you’re talking nonsense right now Zayn.”  
  
“No! It’s not nonsense!” Zayn spits. “Pez and I have been having problems for months, Niall. You know that. When I left the band, yeah I was worried and I clung to her because I thought I wouldn’t have anyone else. But I’ve been so worried about you Niall. And I’m so serious right now, babes. I love you, Niall Horan, and I want you to come away with me.”  
  
Niall snorts, “Zayn, I’m in the middle of tour. You know, the one you left?”  
  
“You’ve got a break coming. You’ve got a few days coming, just come see me. Or I’ll come see you?”  
  
Niall shakes his head, “I’m not just going to suddenly run away with you because you claim you love me. You’ve left the band, you’ve left me and now suddenly you’ve changed your mind? How can I trust you, Zayn? You broke it when you left, broke our band nearly broke me! Do you not get that?”  
  
“I know, I know I fucked up but just, give me a few days with you. I can prove to you, Niall. I need to see you.”  
  
“I don’t…”  
  
“Please?” He whispers. Niall pauses. He remembers that same whisper in a very different context late at night, between warm sheets. He can’t deny him anything.  
  
“I’ve got Oslo to play on the nineteenth. Our flight leaves tomorrow evening. After Oslo we’ve got four days until Sweden. I’ll get a late flight out. I’d like to go home and check on the house anyway. Willie’s gone to the Aus for a bit.”  
  
Niall can hear the elation in Zayn’s voice, “Yes, yes, perfect. That’s great. That sounds great Ni, I’ll see you soon. Get some rest yeah? I can hear it in your voice. Drink your tea with the honey in it. I love you.”  
  
“Zayn-“  
  
But Zayn hangs up.  
  
The irony of this phone call compared to the last isn’t lost on Niall. In fact, it makes him grin so hard his cheeks ache with it.


End file.
